Sandra Ameerikas: Reality check - I only have less than 4 more months to stay in the United States

To be honest I have no idea why I decided to write this post in English. I just happened. I wasn't even really sure what to write about since there's really not a lot of new things in my everyday life anymore. I guess I'm pretty used with living in America. Anyway another school week is over and the day when I have to pack my bags and fly back to home is closer than it ever has before.. I have only about 4 more months to stay here. Wow, time flies.

After spending more than half of the year in Ohio I understand why people here use that sentence so often "Oh, you don't like the weather, just wait 3 days, it will change." It's just so true. There were couple days when it actually felt like spring. I liked it, a lot. I hoped that maybe it won't be so cold again, but apparently we are suppose to get more snow and ice over the weekend. So there's a chance that we won't have school on Monday, again. To be honest I'd rather go to school than do blizzard bags. They are basically just assignments what we have to do in home when we don't have school and the idea is that if we do blizzard bags, we don't have make these days up in the end of May. I feel like we wouldn't do as much work in school as we do when we have blizzard bag assignments.

Anyway this week I started track conditioning, the actual season will start in the end of March. So right now we have only 3 practices in a week in the weight room. I haven't really had time to go to gym and lift while I have been here in the United States, but I missed it a lot and it is so nice to lift again. I have a feeling that track season will be awesome. We are going to have more girls in our team than I thought we would and that's great. I'm sure we're gonna have a lot of fun throughout the season.

On Thursday there were a basketball game, if I can remember it correctly, it was district semi final? against Fairbanks. Unfortunately our girls lost, but I am still proud of them. No matter what they will always be my first (and probably last) basketball team. After the game we went through Wendy's, since it was a typical American fast food place, that sells burgers and French fries, I didn't want anything. Weird as I am, a girl who doesn't eat burgers or French fries, trying to survive in the United States. But so far I have managed to do that so no, it's not impossible.

Their school was a lot bigger than ours. And they had BIG windows, I miss having sunlight in the classrooms.

On Wednesday I went to my church again, their youth nights are different then ours. Right now they have Junior High and High School students together, which I don't really like, but they just don't have nobody anymore who would do something with their JH kids so they can't separate the groups.
Anyway I had a really interesting conversation with some of the kids. We had to make groups of 3 people, so I was with a 12-year old boy and a 13-year old girl, who actually looked more like 15-year old.
Pretty quickly we moved one from the original theme, what we were suppose to discuss, and they started sharing how they are being bullied in their schools. For example, the boy said that one of the main reasons why he is being bullied is because he likes to read, and while other kids are playing with their phones/iPads, he reads. He also showed us how he likes to listen to his music and dance, but others are making fun of that.
The girl said that she is mainly being bullied because she is a Christian and also because of her looks. She said that she tries to wear certain kind of clothes so others would not make fun of her. She also added that some of the kids steal pencils out of her locker, because they find it funny, so she tries to carry her pencils in her pockets. Finally she showed me her favorite bracelets and told that when she wears those to school, girls will rip them off her hands and break them.
I was really amazed how opened these kids were, but at the same time it made me really sad. To me it just shows how messed up and broken is our society. These kids are constantly criticized by their looks, character, and behavior. Why do we always have to compare people, when actually there is so much beauty in diversity?
Without all that variety of different races, hair-colors, eye-colors, heights, face-shapes, characters, and talents, our world would just be plain and boring. Variety is what makes it interesting.

I feel brokenhearted, but not hopeless. I think sometimes we believe that in order to change the world, we have to change the lives of millions, but I don't find it to be 100% accurate.
Individuals matter, so when we help to bring a change in somebody's life, to them, it changes their world. So we just changed the world for somebody. So maybe it doesn't always require drastic changes for billions of people..

I like to talk with different people and listen to their stories. It seems like everybody are a book with a unique story, but then again we are so similar. We all longed to be accepted and loved. All of us identify ourselves somehow. Some of us try to find our worth in good grades, others in playing sports. There will always be adults, who spend their whole life trying to get higher and higher on their career ladder, trying to get more and more money. People buy expensive cars and clothes, what some of them can't actually even afford, just to find their worth in something. We are constantly chasing after things that seem to over-promise, but under deliver. Albert Einstein have said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
A lot of times we don't even notice that it's exactly what we are doing. We keep chasing things hoping that this time something will change, that this time our soul will be satisfied. And sometimes those things will bring us temporary satisfaction, but soon we will notice that it's not enough and we crave more. That's how we end up being enslaved. In a way we are like fools, who keep running after something that will leave us empty every time, but we will still chase it again and again. The problem is that none of the pleasures were meant to satisfy our hearts. The only one who is able to do that is Jesus. He is the only one who can save us from ourselves. He is our loving Father and He longs to have a relationship with every single one of us. There isn't enough words, not in English, not in Estonian, to describe how much He has changed my life and I can't imagine where I would be if He hadn't found me. It hasn't always been easy, not at all, but He will never forsake me and I am excited to see where He will lead me in my future. While I have been in the United States, I have discovered that my heart longs to travel around the world, I want to see other cities and sights, hear other languages, and see more different people and cultures. But at the same time I love my country more than ever, so I don't really have an idea what my future holds, but I know who holds my future so I don't have to worry about it.

One day my brother made me read one of his favorite books "I love you, Stinky Face."(Written by Lisa McCourt) And it turned out to be really cute one, and since it's not long at all, I'm going to share this with you, guys.

"I love you, my wonderful child," said Mama as she tucked me in. But I had a question.
"Mama, what if I were a big scary ape? Would you still love me then?"
"If you were a big, scary ape, I would comb your whole hairy self to make sure you didn't have any tangles. And I would make your birthday cake out of bananas, and I would tell you, 'I love you my big, scary ape.'"
"But Mama, but, Mama, what if I were a super smelly skunk, and I smelled so bad that my name was Stinky Face?"
"Then I would give you a bath and sprinkle you with sweet-smelling powder. And if you still smelled bad, I wouldn't mind, and I would hug you tight and whisper in your ear 'I love you, Stinky Face.'"
"But Mama, but, Mama, what if I were an alligator with big, sharp teeth that could bite your head off?"
"Then I would buy you a bigger toothbrush for your big teeth and make sure that you brushed them every night so they'd stay healthy and strong. And if you had a sore throat, I would stick my head right inside your enormous jaws to make sure you were okay, and I would say, 'I love you, my ferocious alligator.'"
"But, Mama, what if I were a terrible meat-eating dinosaur with razor-sharp claws that ripped my sheets to shreds every night while I slept?"
"Then I would give you plenty of meat to eat, if that is what you liked. And I would sew your sheets back together every day, because after all, ripping them would be an accident. And I would tuck you into your newly mended sheets every night and say, 'I love you, my sweet, terrible dinosaur.'"
"But, Mama, but, Mama, what if I were a swamp creature with slimy, smelly seaweed hanging from my body, and I couldn't ever leave the swamp or I would die?"
"Then I would build a house right next to the swamp, and I would stay with you and take care of you always. And when you splashed to the surface, I would say, 'I love you, my slimy little swamp monster.'"
"But, Mama, but, Mama, what if I were a Green Alien from Mars, and I ate bugs instead of peanut butter?"
"Then I would dress you in colors that showed off your nice green skin.. and I would pack your lunch box with beetles and spiders and ants and grasshoppers and the tastiest bugs you ever had. And I would pack a note with all the bugs that said, 'I love you, little greenie. Bon appetit.'"
"But, Mama, but, Mama, what if I were a Cyclops, and I had just one big, gigantic eye in the middle of my head?"
"Then I would look right into your gigantic eye and say, 'I love you, my little cyclops,' and I would sing to you a lullaby until your one gigantic eyelid got droopier and droopier, and it finally closed and you fell fast asleep."
"I love you, Mama."
"And I love you, my wonderful child."

This book reminded me God's unconditional love. He is the one who knows everything about us, He knows about our biggest mistakes, selfish motives and evil thoughts. And yet, He loves us more than nobody else ever could. He also sees our deepest desires and dreams. He is the true lover of our souls.